We all heard the saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side?” Well it’s an actual, bona-fide syndrome. GIGS or Grass is Greener Syndrome is when a person begins to feel that they can do better in another relationship than the one they are currently in. This can sometimes lead to them dumping their relationship partner only to regret the decision later.
Okay here is a scenario you may encounter when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, male or female.
Things are progressing, and then all of a sudden the narcissist pulls away. You are left confused and later ghosted or dumped by text with no response when you reach out, so you keep calling and going to voicemail.
Against your better judgment you leave those cringe worthy voicemails when you are tipsy. You cry and you beg to no avail. No matter what you do or say, the love of your life is hell bent on leaving you. So what do you do now?
You have to move on. If a person decides they don’t want to be with you, that is really your only recourse. And oh yeah, you must fight the urge to contact them too. Why would you do that? Let’s examine a couple of valid reasons why you must break off all contact with the person who broke it off with you.
I know that goes against everything you are feeling right now. You are invested in this person, but what good is that when the person is not invested in you?
They Didn’t Have a Valid Reason to Dump You
If things are going well in your mind, but you get dumped, what sense does that make? There is a big disconnect there. You don’t need to be bothered with someone who is so “wishy washy” and “sometimey”. The fact that you are blissfully in love and the other person is not should concern you. How come you two are on two different pages in your book of life together? You are not in a relationship, you are being tolerated. The person for whatever reason has some sort of motive for letting you fall in love with them. Either that or you are just plain delusional. Either way, you must move on. Keep your dignity and do not contact them again.
They Didn’t Communicate Their Feelings Effectively
The person you are in a relationship with should always make sure you are connected. If you are in love, I am sure you have been communicating this to your partner with your words and your actions. Did you get the same courtesy? Like I stated before either you were being deceived by them, led on by them or you are just a delusional person. Whichever on it is, leave them alone. You are better off finding someone who can effectively communicate the problems that arise in a relationship so that you both have the opportunity to work these things out and continue to grow as a couple.
You Are Not a Toy That Can Be Put On a Shelf for Future Use
So if your partner thinks they can do better than you, do not resist the break up. Do you really want to be treated like someone’s plaything? You are worth more than that so act like you are valuable. Rather than taking time to focus on something that is not meant to be, invest some time into yourself. Remember, you are a catch!
There are millions of things you can do to improve yourself rather that continuing to focus on the negativity of rejection. And now you have the time to do it. Rather than invest anymore time or energy into someone who does not recognize you are fabulous, you should invest more time into making yourself even more awesome.
You Want To Be Loved For Who You Are and What You Bring To the Table
Are you a good friend? Are you a hard worker? Smart? Funny? What are your good qualities that make you an splendid person to be in a relationship? After a rejection we often end up thinking that we must be bad people or that person would have loved us. Don’t get stuck in that negative way of thinking. The perfect person for you is still out there, and now that you are free again they just need to find you.
That doesn’t mean you hit the clubs or social media prowling for a date. This is your time to work on yourself. Read some self help books or invest in a few therapy sessions. Get your mind, body and spirit healthy so that you can attract a healthy relationship partner. No one is perfect, we all can take time to do some self improvement and that work will pay off in the long run…..
Do Not Contact Them Unless Absolutely Necessary
You do not have time to invest in them any longer so only contact them if you have to. Keep it short, sweet and to the point. If possible, do not ever contact them again, no emails, no messages, nada, nothing. I get it. This goes against everything you are feeling right now, but fight the urge to pick up that phone and contact the narcissist.
Take all this extra time and devote it to the people in your life who do want to be around you. You could even adopt a shelter animal for companionship, but do not bother your ex again no matter how lonely you think you are. At the end of the day you have yourself, right? You may be alone but you do not have to feel lonely. Just get creative with the ways you stay connected to others who do see the value in your company and your unique presence.
Remember Who You Are
It’s time for you to remember who you are. If your self esteem has been devastated by the rejection of others it’s time to work on your self-acceptance, and your self respect. Do not allow anyone to treat you badly, especially someone who is suppose to love you. By going no contact you take your power back. And once you stop reaching out to people who are not worthy of your time and what you have to offer, you open up space for loving and supportive relationships to move in.
What are your thoughts?
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